Monday, July 19, 2010

In search of..

A lot. 

This last year or so had been very difficult. It seems like what ever could go wrong, pretty much did happen. Things are sorta picking up for me, but overall...not picking up as fast as I'd like it to be. Its definitely been with mix emotions, putting my heart on the line, and things not really working out.The next couple things I will mention will probably more personal than I have talked about. Never really been open about some things other than friends, but felt the need to talk about them here.

Forgiving myself and moving on

Last May, I was pulled over for a DUI (Driving Under the Influence). That was the most embarrassing event of my life. It really just felt surreal. I couldn't believe it was happening. I had to stay overnight in jail, and post bail in the am. Since my BAC (Blood Alcohol Content) was.16...which is double the legal limit, i had to stay in jail till that level went down. Just really embarrassing. What did this cost me? I lost my car. Probably about 3 grand in costs..which is on the low end of cost when I researched fines and so forth when dealing with DUI's. I had to take a alcohol awareness class. That actually was really informative..taught me alot about the horrible effects of drinking. And....i was on probation for 1 year. Talk about feeling like a criminal. I had a probation officer, that I had to meet once a month with. Since I stayed out of trouble, I was able to end the monthly meetings in May, and is officially no longer on probation as of July 1st. I know I disappointed alot of people, including myself. People who know me know that i was very out of character for me. Im really tryn to move on from that, just making sure that it never happens again.

Losing my vocation, wanting a career

Last September, I lost my Job. I was CAD designer in the aerospace field. I had been employed doing that for 2 years. I kind of fell into that job. I really didnt know much about the field much, but I learned things pretty quick, and was doing well. Im not sure exactly why I lost that job. It was folks that I worked with that did less, and was much more deserving of being let go than me. I've sorta gotten over that. I'd admit, I really didnt take looking for a new job seriously till recently. It seemed like the longest vacation for the longest time. I dont want to do CAD work anymore. I really have come to enjoy I.T. related things, and really feeling that I want to be in that field. So will see how that goes. I've really enjoyed fixing all my friends pc's! Its been cool, but I want to get paid more for it, lol. I learned residential wiring back in high school, and i been doing that kinda work off and on since then. I just want a job that i like going to, thats all.

My soulmate is out here...somewhere 

Im fucking 30!! And i've yet to find that person woman that I want to be with for the rest of my life. The last person who I really felt I could be with for a lifetime, moved to Houston..and have moved on from the possibility of being with me. I've JUST really gotten over that. Its hard when you know someone since like 15 or so. But things happen, and we live move on to other things. I've dated since then, didnt work out. I've come to the conclusion that im not settling for ANYONE. I feel that im a decent fella...why should i take less? I dont wanna be single for ever, but im content with waiting it out..and being with a woman that I can say...i waited this long, and it was well worth it.

I think its much more that I could say, but ima leave it at that. I'd hope that no one passes judgment on me. Im just real enough to admit my faults, and make things better.



Morphowings said...

Well moving on and understanding whonyou want and don't want to be seem like the best choice here. Pass judgement on you? Who am I to talk?

Anonymous said...

I think alot of us have driven under the influence but haven't gotten caught. No judgement from me.

Go to Houston and get your woman! Ok, I watch too many movies. lol

Monique said...

I don't think anyone will pass judgement on you. Don't feel that way. If anything we should thank you for taking a risk and sharing your inner thoughts.

Growing up is hard but growing up and not knowing what will become of the next day is even harder. You know you want in terms of life, love and your career; go after it and fight for it.

Jailyn said...

I really liked the blog entry, I appreciate the openness of it. And just by you opening up it shows the growth that was achieved. I wish you much success in finding your passion (and getting paid for it), and in finding your life partner. I wouldn't ever recommending settling on a life partner, a job maybe, but not a life partner. Don't rush, you are not on anyone's timeline but your own and that is what matters most. All the best!

Crystal said...

I love the fact that you are grown up enough to admit where you wronged and that you want more. That's a level of humility that most never reach because they are too busy putting on front to face reality. Everything will work for your good. ;-)

Tafari said...

Brighter days are ahead bro & your head seems to be in the right space so expect & accept nothing sub par!

Ms. Behaving said...

None of us are in a position to pass judgement...

You live, you love, you learn and you grow. *Sounds like you're right on track to me!* =)

Super Dave Van Buren said...

JUDGED!!! lmao.. just kidding man. we all go thru tough times. It's what defines us as people. nobody can judge you since we ALL have our stories.... You'll come out of this better and wiser.

And stop making 30 sound old! were just getting started in life.